These past few weeks have been hard. Maddie caught a nasty cold one week, and then I ended up with my sinus infection, and it took a while to recover from all of that. I’m still trying to catch up on sleep!
And some prayer requests for anyone who reads this! Tomorrow, Ken’s 91 year old grandma is having a surgery done to help her swallow better without sucking it down her windpipe. AND my wonderful brother John, who is fighting cancer, has been in the hospital for about a week, just got release today, with an infection that they have him on IV antibiotics for.
A lot has been taking my attention, and I apologize. I’m working on catching up.
As for my post for tonight. There are a lot of times, especially being a first time mom, that I feel like a complete and utter failure. I don’t know what I’m doing half of the time, mostly going with my gut instinct. I second guess myself daily and more times than not, I just pray that I’m not screwing my daughter up.
But a moment happened the other night that has me thinking that even though I feel like a failure, that I must be doing something right.
I was getting Maddie ready for bed and I was just emotional that evening. I was sad because even though she spends the most time with me, she doesn’t call me by a name yet. She’ll say “dada” right at Ken and I feel like she means it. With me, she doesn’t say anything most of the time. As I was changing her diaper, I got emotional and started crying.
Ken came in Maddie’s room as I was getting her pajamas on and even asked me why I was crying. I told him honestly that I felt like Maddie never said my name and it hurt that she calls him “dada” and me nothing.
As the tears fell down my cheeks, I stood Maddie up. I was going to let her play for a few minutes before starting our goodnight routine. Instead of walking around the room to find a toy, she looked at me, came close to me, and put her arms around my neck in a hug. A legitimate hug. I’ve given her so many hugs, but had never received one in return. But there I was, sitting on her bedroom floor, tears rolling down my face, and she hugged me. She knew that I was sad and knew that when she is sad, I give her hugs. So when she saw me sad, she knew what to do.
Was it a coincidence? Perhaps.
All I know is my baby girl, at just over a year old, has a very caring heart.
I may fail at a lot of Mom moments, but this one was a win.
If I teach her nothing else, I hope she learns from me to love and to care with all of her heart. To be there for someone when they are sad and to help cheer them up. And sometimes, people just need a hug. She knows that. And she made me feel better with that little gesture.
Even on the worst day, after so many rough weeks with her cold and my sinus issues, she knows when her mommy needs a hug.
I guess I am doing something right after all.